Rain

Me: "Wow it's really raining very heavily today."

God: "There is a meaning to the rain."

Me: "Oh yeah? What meaning?"

God: "It means the plants need watering."

It's like He thinks I'm stupid or something.

Wind

It was just me and her standing on a grassy knoll, looking out at a vast field that stretched from the east to the west as far as the eye could see.

"I'm too tired to stand," I said, and I plopped onto the soft grass. I looked at her and there she was, closing her eyes and enjoying the gentle breeze on her face. She smiled to herself. Her smile always was amazing. And her black hair and white silk dress flowed like a river in the wind. She looked like she was listening to the sound of a symphony. And she was humming along to that tune she was listening to.

"I'm listening to all that the wind is speaking. This wind... is you." Her eyes still closed.

"Me?" But what else could I say? After all, she is the Spirit.

She didn't answer me, but she opened her eyes for a brief second to see if she caught my attention. I gave her the satisfaction of it. (:

Closing her eyes again, she whispered under her breath, "what are you trying to say? What are you trying to say?" And she said that over and over again, like in some sort of trance.

My mind was confused. Honestly, I closed my eyes to think, because I wasn't experiencing what she was experiencing. Why did I have to listen to the wind to hear what I am saying? Maybe it's got to do with the whole soul and spirit detachment thing. The more I thought, the more I lost track of time. And in the world of my thoughts suddenly a voice spoke, so calming that it shook my being.

"I'm listening."

Immediately I opened my eyes and I saw her words shoot out of her mouth like colors into the wind. There were streaks of orange and blue and green and red. They spun into the air and suddenly the wind was no longer the air. The wind became filled with so many different colors. They were so real you could smell them, and each color had a different smell. They were flowing in and out of one another. Some colors brought love, some colors brought peace and even some brought joy. There were even threads of black, and you could taste their bitterness on your tongue as the wind swept passed you. The colors looked like they were forming pictures after pictures, yet you couldn't exactly tell whether they were moving in accordance or at random.

I turned to look at her. She didn't move, but it was difficult to tell where exactly she was because out of every corner of her person there were colors flowing out of her. Some colors were so dark it felt like your eyes were sucked into looking at them, while others were so bright it was hard to believe you could still gaze at them. Whirlwinds of grey moved around her feet.

She started to walk towards me. As she got closer, the colors moved faster and the wind howled louder. She walked until she was right next to me. Then she sat down, and suddenly, everything stopped. There were no more colors, no more sounds, no more smells. Just the wind blowing.

She sat so close her shoulder was touching mine. There was so much pleasure in her heart that I could feel it.

She raised her finger and pointed towards the horizon, where the sun was.

"Do you see that?" she asked me.

"See what?" I replied. I honestly did not see anything. I only saw a large grass plain that I'm sure, it didn't require a question to point out.

"That." The moment she said the word, instead of a field, I saw a lush forest with many trees and birds and creatures. But just as suddenly as it came about, it disappeared within a split second, and it was back to the field again.

"There are many seeds in your heart that you don't know about. Birthing is always the most painful. Breaking out of the shell is exhausting. But you no longer need the nutrients in the seed. You need sunlight. Bask in it. It's time to grow into all things. In order to become all that He is, He must first be all things for you."

Birthing is always the most painful. She just smiled at me with the most beautiful smile. Her smile is always amazing.

God is really good

Amazing, God. You are so good. I stand before you and say the holiest word ever: "whoa."

Ten ways I would like Jesus to visit me

Well, I actually only thought of one way. It would be funny if Jesus just came into my room and put a torchlight under his chin and go, Boo. Or if he came in on a magic carpet.

Yesterday was Pentecost. Ah Pentecost. I wonder how it was like in the upper room before the Holy Spirit came upon them. I don't know how they can pray. Maybe they were pretending to pray. If I were there, I would be like, dude, what are we waiting for? Like what was the threshold for them to say that whatever they experienced was the Holy Spirit? How loud did the sound of wind have to be?

The Holy Spirit is amazing. He is the Spirit of Identity, the Spirit of Adoption. He inhabits your house so that you can inhabit His. Paul describes Him as the Spirit, by which we cry out "Abba, Father." Interestingly, that tells you much about the relationship between the Father and His Spirit. But Jesus Himself said regarding the Holy Spirit, that He will take all that was of Jesus and give it to us. He poured out the Holy Spirit to make us like Him, sons of God.

I used to tell people when they ask me about the Holy Spirit, that people who aren't baptized by the Spirit can still be saved. I'm about 80% convinced that I'm wrong, and the 20% only because of the definition of the word "baptism". What worries me, is that people can reject the Holy Spirit and still think they're saved. It scares me because Paul said that the Spirit is the deposit God has given us for our salvation. He is the guarantee that on judgement day, the Lord will dispense us mercy and celebrate with us and we will move with Him into the next age. What are we not careful of our attitude towards the Holy Spirit? The giftings have always been controversial. What is the sign that the Holy Spirit lives in us? I mean, it cannot just be the appearance of giftings, because God's giftings are irrevocable. But our attitude towards these gifts tell us alot about our position with the Holy Spirit at times.

I feel like there's going to be a big home coming for all of us. LOL not about us going to heaven after we die, but I'm talking about an understanding of the kind of acceptance that God has extended to us. As John says, how great the love God has lavished on us, that He would call us His children!

I love being at home. A lot of times being at home is better at being at church, or even with other like-minded Christians. At least at some point in my life, it used to be so much better. At those times, I have felt like I had to perform, I had to have some kind of significant revelation, or vision or encounter with God to be feel important in a group. I have felt like I had to completely blameless, perfect, before I can enjoy fellowship. And that becomes tiring very fast.

That period in my life really showed me about what I enjoy about my house. When I'm at home, I could watch the television, take a snack from the kitchen or play my computer games whenever I liked. I didn't have to perform for them. These were things that my parents provided for me. I felt like I could be myself, I didn't need to feel a need to be someone else. When I sit on the couch, I just sigh, man it's good to be home, safe.

I'm really fortunate to have a place like that, to feel safe to be myself. There are people who have never experienced this, for whatever reason. Maybe their parents were really controlling, or maybe they don't even have a home.

But when God welcomes us into His house, this was what He intended for all of us. We don't need to perform, to do right, or to work before we can enjoy His presence, receive His love or live under His provision. We only have to be willing. If we feel like we have to perform, we completely miss the point. Perhaps this is the reason why many people don't feel safe in God, don't think God is good, and have trouble seeing the heart of God. Because God is a Spirit of adoption. He loves being in His house and He loves it that we are in His house. If only we realized that we are only changed in His presence. We don't enter His presence by changing ourselves. We enter His presence with thanksgiving. And His presence changes our very being. It washes away everything that hinders us to come before him. It washes away rejection, inadequacy, poverty. And it brings rejoicing, refreshment and rejuvenation.

The amazing thing about God, is that when He walked as a human being, He invaded our world so that we can begin to run after Him. He didn't wait for us, but He came for us. His heart for us is Psalm 139 - where can we hide from His Spirit. And His Spirit is going to hunt us down until we are His wholely. Because that is who we are from the beginning. It is about God's original intent. What did He think in His heart when He made you?

Process, not performance

The Old Testament and the New Testament are named as such for many reasons. One of them is this: The Old and New refer to the way God used to relate to man and the way that God now relates to man.

What does it mean to be under the law and what does it mean to be under grace?

We got to understand what God is really interested in. Under the law, there was a requirement to perform. When God gave the law, the covenant came with it, saying, unless you do all these things, you will be cursed. And that's how God manifested His presence - if they obeyed and kept the things of the law. What was the point, since they were not able to keep it in the first place?

But Paul writes, the Law served as a tutor, but its purpose has been served. Now there is no requirement to enter the presence of God except to come under the blood. In that blood, the old covenant was broken. The law remains, its letter dead, but its spirit in the Son. And so, the new covenant was introduced - "This is My blood, which is shed for you." Then why do people still move in accusation, in condemnation and in guilt, when there is no more guilt left, since it was crucified together with the Lord Jesus?

I guess it's all to do with the difference between process and performance. God doesn't deal with us in performance anymore. Because performance is temporial in nature, but process is eternity. God doesn't require us to perform a set of tasks or duties. That was what the law required. But the law served as a model for what God really wanted in us, not just from us. Which is the same reason why when Jesus came, the first sermon He preached was about the values of the Kingdom, about the spirit of the law. Because it had been lost throughout time, and He was restoring that. He was setting a goal. And His heart is this, that He may be the author and the finisher of our faith. Our faith is a process, not a performance. God is not interested in stopping us from sinning in the natural. He is interested in stopping us from sinning in the spirit. He wants to eradicate every little bit of it. And that requires process. Sin in the natural is only a symptom of sin in the spirit. But God doesn't look at us and see sin. He sees what we are missing in the spirit. And it's what we are missing in our experience of Him that causes us to look for other things to fill us. As Graham Cooke says, "He doesn't see what's wrong. He sees what's missing."

Performance blinds us to the need for process. God is determined, very determined, to heal us and restore us. God never ran away from us. From the moment Adam submitted men to darkness He has been restoring us into His marvelous light, the key of which was in the cross. When we don't feel like we match up in performance to God, we destroy ourselves. When we feel we do match up, we don't see need for process anymore. And that hinders our growth. How much we need Jesus!

There's a mindset change coming to the church. It changes us. Instead of fearing mistakes, we start to accept weaknesses. Instead of accusing others, we start to nurture wounds. Instead of hiding skeletons, we start to put our lamps on their stands. Because God's glory is in the strength He exhibits for his people in their weakness. It's the joy He portrays in his people in their sadness. It's the freedom He releases to his people in their captivity. WHAT IS THE HEART OF GOD FOR US? Then we can confront without criticism, we can love without agenda, and we can fellowship without manipulation.

I think if we start seeing people in terms of the process of their walk, rather than the performance of their walk, then we can truely begin to find the gold in the dirt. What did God see in those people when He sent His Son to die for them?

Shaking the Heart of God

A couple of days ago, Shih Yang asked Luis, "What makes a friend of God?" In my heart I'm thinking, friendship is such a profound thing. There's something so easy and accessible, yet something so l0ngsuffering-like and inaccessible, in friendship, especially with God. There's this paradoxical nature about it, whereby there are those times God comes beside you, and he hangs out, and he's really easy-going and you know anything you want he's going to give you. Then there are those times, where you can feel the mystery of being His friend, that there is so much I don't know about being His friend and at those times, to call myself His friend sounds kind of silly. Perhaps a good illustration of this is in the life of John the Revelator, whereby there are those times he just leans on the breast of Jesus or his chest or his shoulder I don't know, where he knows he's so special to the Lord because even the other disciples know, that if they wanna get something secret from the Lord, they would go ask John to find out (sheesh man this reminds me of Luis). It's like dude, Jesus would tell John anything. And then in the book of Revelation he encounters Jesus, his best friend, and still he falls to the ground like a dead man, unaccustomed to the awe and majesty of His king, who grabs His hand like a friend. There is something so profound about this whole friendship thing and how God intended it to be.

Luis answered in this way, "there are three things that shake the heart of God. One - worship, especially in the times where it is difficult to worship, in tough circumstances, in sadness, in grieve. Two - humility, where you empty yourself of what you have, talents, giftings, possessions, and you say to God, I need you. Third - Forgiveness. These are the things that speak to God's heart, saying, I just want to be with you."

I feel that God's beginning to unravel in my heart this whole idea of relationship. I can feel all my father issues coming out as a result, so I think it's safe to say the revelation of my relationship with God has begun its work. I hope it is completed soon. Maybe I'm feeling everyone else's father issues. But hey, we are one body. LOL

That day God asked me a simple question, "what does a relationship mean?" It's especially this simple questions that make me feel stupid. But feeling stupid in front of God is something I've gotten used to. It also helps u to learn faster. Like Ezekiel in the valley of dry bones, "I don't know." Or in today's Singaporean language, "huh?"

So I know He's not talking about all the things people link to relationship, especially in church circles, whereby we seem to base our relationship with God on how much we serve or how much we go to church, or how much we know our word, or how much we hear God, or how much we love the poor, etc. I mean I think those things are related, in that, if we move into a deeper relationship with God, symptoms will show. Just like John said, if you don't love your brudder, you don't have God's love in you. But God was going for the essence, the substance of the relationship.

And so He said, "relationship comes from the word, relate. It's just how you relate to God." Then I give God my usual Godly look - o_O. But that is something deep about that. I don't think he was just speaking into my mind. He was speaking into my identity. In that instance I could see, the Lord I had grown to love in this couple of years. The tender way He speaks to me, the sweet fragance of His presence, the joy and infection of His laughter. I love the way He messes with me all the time. I say I don't, but I really do. It's like I'm the joke He mocks - I'm like the Joey of the Heavenlies, womanizing aside. But Joey is like a little kid. (I'm talking about the Friends character) He's like nutured and loved by everyone around Him. And there's this realm in the heavens where I'm a kid (not unlike Father God) and I'm just loved by God's family. And there's this lighthearted way He talks to me that I really like. I like His depth. I like how He shows up for me in the weirdest ways. How He knows the things I like. How He will just whisper scriptures in my ears that make me look like the most profound person ever (Besides Watchman, Luis and the gang of course). I love the way He talks about me, I love the way He's always there when I need Him, and how even though I am so pained sometimes, He's always so direct (talking about the Father here. Holy Spirit is normally more gentle), yet He can take my pain and weave it into something deep and precious and a piece of treasure forever held eternally. There's just something about God. I may not relate to God like anyone else, but I relate to Him, and I can feel His heart about, how precious this relating is to Him, how He would never trade it for anything else or anybody else's.

How often we want to give up our relationship for other people's! Like our pastors' relationship with God, or our friends' relationship with God. The whole deal, is not about getting to heaven. It's about walking with God in the cool of the day. If not, knowing Papa, He would have taken all of us up already (so much better up there!). But there is something about earth He wants to redeem, something about the original intention of God. But most of us are like Adam. God can't find us, because we hide within ourselves, we have a fear of relating to someone else. But in His great love (and cleverness), He always finds a way to restore us, bringing salvation to our spirit. SOZOing us. ^_^

There is a child inside wanting to express who he is. No fight scene in any manga comic is exciting without audiences watching and gasping and seeing dramatic turnarounds in battles. But with friends watching, there is something waiting to be displayed deep within the heroes. There is a perseverence he wants to display, a fighting spirit, an overcoming spirit inside him. It's not about the gifts or the speaking in tongues or the prophesying. But it's the overcoming spirit that is waiting to surface. Because the child is an overcomer. The child fights for good. The child demonstrates love. And there is something he is fighting for. He is fighting for his friends, his family, his nation. He believes, in the end, about the victory of goodness. In the end, goodness is triumphant over all. He wants to demonstrate who he is, because the glory of God was hidden in the depths from the beginning. He is not like other people. He has a different spirit. A different spirit. He feels he can do all things. And God is on his side.

"Even if you don't believe My words, believe in My goodness."